when life hurts

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

This post has been clanging around in my head since Monday. But I’m not gonna lie, I just couldn’t find the words to write it. And I knew that in writing this, I needed to be believing what I was writing. Sometimes it’s hard to remember, and sometimes my silly heart would rather try and fix things myself or hurt than realize that

GOD IS INDEED NEAR.

He is healer. He is our everything.

Tonight, I was reading through a bunch of letters from a retreat I went on three years ago. At the end of the retreat, everyone received a bag of letters from our friends and family saying they loved us, encouraging us, telling us good things they saw in our character, and often giving advice.

One letter in particular was from my Grandma Bubbles. (Yes Bubbles. I used to call her than when I was little and it just kinda stuck for me. All the other grandkids call her Nana, but she's still my Grandma Bubbles. I love you! ;))

It gave some of the most powerful advice. Ever. In the midst of all the happier things, she also said this sweet line:
"Life can throw us some surprises time to time and some of those times will not be easy and God will allow us to suffer. The suffering He allows us to go through is meant to strengthen our faith in Him. I pray that you will remember to keep your faith in God and His will for your life when your time of suffering and trials come. Remember to look to Jesus for your strength and direction."
The wisdom of a grandmother. <3 There's really two things there. First of all, trials, despite the pain they cause, are sometimes the best thing that could have ever happened to us. Without them, how would we ever come to know God?? They are nothing compared to who He is and what He is doing in us.

And secondly, to kinda tie back into the verse at the beginning, trials are meant to drive us to God. Wait... that's basically what I said in the last paragraph... oh well.

So, trials drive us to Him. We can't blame Him or grow angry, because He is the only one we need. He is always there to hold our broken heart, and save the crushed in Spirit.

Just turn to Him. <3

God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 1 Timothy 1:7 (esv)


Sometimes the future can be a very scary thing. Actually all too often. When I can't see what's ahead, it's so much easier to be scared of the uncertain instead of surrender up every moment to God and trust He has a plan.

I also admit that I care about what others say and think of me far too much. Fear of doing something socially "unacceptable" can be crippling.

And then there's the fear that there's no way this season will ever end, that I'm always going to be the same person and God's never going to be able to use me.

But fear is just a lie.

I heard a commentary on Tenth Avenue North's song "Strong Enough to Save" by lead singer Mike Donehey on this very line of their song. I strongly encourage you to give the video to the right, and their song, a listen ;)

Basically Mike explains that we can believe on of two people. Satan, the father of lies, or God, who has no darkness in Him at all and speaks only the truth. And loves us.

Fear is the result of believing lies, and vice-versa. If you believe the lies that you're no good or that things can never change, you will live in continual fear that
they won't.

Belief in the truth however, sets you free. John 8:32

The steps ahead of me are hidden right now, and I'm afraid of how difficult they will be.

But that changes today. For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

The only way to overcome fear is to trust that He is indeed strong enough to save us and help us overcome everything obstacle, in our heart or our path.

I know it will be hard. I know I'll fail at some point. I'm going to do my best to trust Him with my every moment.

So here's to bittersweet surrender, I'm giving it all to you God. I know it will be worth it. <3

I encourage you guys to believe God for His victory over whatever you may be facing along with me. :)

When He saw the crowds He had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Matthew 9:36

I'm sitting here on the floor of my bedroom at 11:58 at night because I have not posted on here in far too long. I've missed so many good things that God has told me that I could have written! I'm not even sure where to begin.

But, I was praying for clarity and His words on this post and I thinkknow I'm supposed to write about love.

The verse at the top there was from my quiet time tonight. It's so powerful and full of love. Christ's love. Just read it a couple of times and let the truth sink in. Jesus has been followed around by crowds for, from what I gather, like all of chapter 9. In my Bible, four of the six sections of this chapter begin with someone approaching Jesus. He had every right to just say "I need some space." And leave them.

But He stayed.

He had compassion on them.

Every single one of us is lost, misguided by the world, harassed by the troubles we face and helpless to face them on our own. But He is never too busy or too tired to help us. In fact, He never gets tired.

Praise to the God who always loves us, always rescues us, and is always there. Hosanna! He is our Shepherd. <3

A man came and knelt before Him and said, "Lord, if You are willing, You will make me clean. Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," He said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy. Matthew 8:2-3

I was read this Sunday night while in possibly one of the worst moods of the century. You know, one of those moods where you don't even want to be cheered up and you'd rather just have a pity party? Yep. That was me. I shamefully admit it. I had been working all weekend and hadn't a single second to just breath in what seemed an eternity. Emotionally drained, I fell on my face before God.

And cried.

I am so thankful God is always there to hold us and listen to incessant whining, and then lift up our face to show us true life. His love is so amazing.

Feeling a little bit better, I flipped my Bible open to the next section of Matthew that I was supposed to read. (I've been reading through verse by verse, trying to fully grasp the significance of each one. And lemme just say, God is so amazing to teach when we set aside time to listen and take each verse as a jewel.) I looked down at the page. A four verse section on "Jesus heals a man with leprosy". I wasn't like sold with the title or anything, but it's God's word. Always powerful. Why do I ever doubt that?

I read the verses. And was immediately captivated. This man had the faith that Jesus could heal him, and asked. And Jesus did not judge, or push him away, but immediately proclaimed He was willing, reached out His hand and HEALED him.

I stand in awe of the fact that Jesus is always our rescuer, always willing, and ALWAYS reaches out His hand.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

For me, this has always been one of those verses with a mysterious meaning. Of course it makes sense to take care of your heart, but it's also always seemed kind of counterproductive to living a life of openness with other people. God has been revealing its true meaning to me over the last year/couple months, and another piece of the puzzle fell into place today.

I was reading today in Matthew chapter 7 where Jesus says "By their fruit you will recognize them." (7:16&20) It got me thinking about how your heart, like Proverbs says, is the source of all of our emotions and thoughts. Your heart reflects who you truly are. A selfish heart? Words that hurt others instead of build them up. But a pure heart? Pure thoughts that can focus on God. A loving heart? Love will be woven into all that you do. The only way to truly glorify God is to love and obey His commandments; to be who He has called us to be. This verse isn't a calling for secrecy, it's a calling to guard your heart against any evil that would hinder your ability to live for Him. That way, you can love others and glorify God.